I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i dont even know how to be here
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
