you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
