Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
