My hand turned me down
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Holy shit dude........stairs
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