the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
