dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
