She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
