So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
