You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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