dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
