I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
