speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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