And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
