While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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