he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
