I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
