he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
