She said her name was "party"
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
