My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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