when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
