My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
