We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
