I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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