bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
