between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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