things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
