One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize