I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
