so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
