If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
