Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
