she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she looked like the before picture.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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