Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
