i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
