Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
