wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The beer is more important than you right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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