All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Who died my cat blue again?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
