I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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