Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
