your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
did i just pee glitter
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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