I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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