4 words: hood of his car
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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