this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
