I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
