Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
