I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
