His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
