I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize