discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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