Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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