the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
