I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
