I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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