I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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