I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Everclear isn't food dammit
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
