I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize