My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
