he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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