Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
