yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
