Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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