mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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