Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
