i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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